Part 1 of 2
If your children do not need specific guidelines to use their phones, tablets, and computers in a safe and healthy way, then I recommend setting as few rules as possible.
Imposing restrictions may lead to a problematic future relationship with video games. Prohibiting something can make it more desirable. Having unrestricted access to candy and sweets during my upbringing contributed to a healthy relationship with sugar. Friends denied treats at home would often visit and overindulge at my house.
I casually enjoyed candy in moderation, while my friends who considered it a rare treat, tended to indulge whenever they could. I suspect that they may have struggled to control their sugar intake when they left for college.
Many of these same friends would sit mesmerized in front of our TV for hours. They had not built up an immunity to television’s powerful allure and felt they needed to take advantage of the opportunity.
Research supports this: children ages 5 to 11 whose parents restricted sweets at home showed a greater emotional response to advertisem*nts for unhealthy food than those whose parents allowed candy.
In another study, children ages 5 and 6 were given bowls of yellow and red M&Ms and potato chips. Half were instructed not to eat the red ones. When provided with the same snacks later, those children ate more of the red snacks than those who were allowed to the first time. In both experiments, children appeared to place more value on food simply because it was forbidden.
Ideally, young people should use screens as they choose, finding a balance in their time. This helps them learn to set and adjust their own rules for the future.
How I Help Families Set Rules
Some young people need guidelines to learn moderation. When necessary, I recommend that parents and children collaborate on a set of rules for screen time. In my experience, children as young as 6-7 can surprise their parents by agreeing to or even suggesting reasonable standards. Additionally, children and teens are much more likely to follow rules they helped create.
Many of my clients argue frequently with their parents about screen time. I typically address this by setting up a meeting with the child and their parents. During this meeting, I ask the child what they think the screen-time rules should be.
In my experience, most children initially suggest about one to two hours per day. Upon hearing this, their parents glance at me, surprised. They had expected a fight. At this point, we can begin the process of refining the guidelines.
Some children do contend that there should be no restrictions. In these very rare cases, I ask the child to think of peers who spend too much time in front of the TV or gaming system. Each child has been able to name a friend who they think has a problematic relationship with screens. “So obviously there is such a thing as too much,” I point out. They agree. Once the child agrees that rules should exist, I generally start by asking them how they would handle screen time if they were a parent.
“Let’s say you were a parent and you had a thirteen-year-old kid who spends five hours a day gaming. They’re not doing their homework and they’re failing a couple classes. What would you do?” I’m not trying to trick the child, they know that I’m referring to their current situation. Even so, hearing the question reframed this way usually helps them understand their parents’ perspective and think creatively.
I recommend working collaboratively with your children when establishing or changing rules around screen time. Most parents can start this conversation by telling them why they feel it’s time for a change, then ask for their children’s perspective.
- “You’re getting older and I think you’re ready to have some more freedom. Let’s figure out what that could look like.”
- “It seems like you’re spending a lot of time online and I’ve noticed your grades are slipping. We think it’s time to set some limits on screen time. Where do you think we should start?”
- “I’ve noticed that we’ve all been spending too much time on our phones recently. What do you think we should do about it?”
It’s important to carefully define your own values before having this conversation. Why do you want your children to have time away from screens? Do you want them to be more social or are you concerned for their physical health? What should count as screen time? A Zoom call with Grandma? A YouTube video about yoga poses?
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Screen Time Doesn’t Have to Mean Scream Time
In part two, I will share a number of questions for you to consider as you set guidelines for your family and rules I recommend for everyone. Read part two here.
References
Binder, A., Naderer, B., & Matthes, J. (2020). A "forbidden fruit effect": An eye-tracking study on children's visual attention to food marketing. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 17(6). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7142814/
FAQs
Be firm in the screen time limits you set and allow them to use it as they please within that boundary. Allow them to earn extra time by completing tasks or finishing chores. Hearth Display can help you track these routines and rewards , so the “yes” or “no” doesn't even have to come from you.
How do I limit screen time for family? ›
Edit the weekly limit schedule with a parent's device
- On your device, open Family Link .
- Select your child.
- At the bottom center, tap Controls .
- Under “Daily limit,” tap Edit weekly schedule.
- Select the days you want to limit screen time. You can also turn the weekly schedule off.
- Tap Done.
Keep a schedule. It can also be helpful to set specific times of the day or week when your kids know they'll be allowed to use their screens. For instance, maybe the 30 minutes before dinner are always open for screen time.
Should screen time for children be restricted answers? ›
Developing screen time rules
If you introduce digital media to children ages 18 to 24 months, make sure it's high quality and avoid solo media use. For children ages 2 to 5, limit screen time to one hour a day of high-quality programming. As your child grows, a one-size-fits-all approach doesn't work as well.
What are some reasonable guidelines to limit screen time? ›
For children 2-5, limit non-educational screen time to about 1 hour per weekday and 3 hours on the weekend days. For ages 6 and older, encourage healthy habits and limit activities that include screens. Turn off all screens during family meals and outings. Learn about and use parental controls.
Why is screen time bad? ›
Excessive screen usage can also lead to problems in social-emotional development, including obesity, sleep disturbances, depression, and anxiety. It can impair emotional comprehension, promote aggressive behavior, and hinder social and emotional competence.
Do parents limit screen time? ›
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends these acceptable amount of screen time limits: No screen time for children under 2. One hour per day for children 2 to 12. Two hours per day for teens and adults.
How much screen time for a 12 year old? ›
Yousuf said pediatricians generally recommend the following guidelines: Under 2 years old: Zero screen time, except for video chatting with family or friends. 2-5 years old: No more than one hour per day co-viewing with a parent or sibling. 5-17 years old: Generally no more than two hours per day, except for homework.
How much screen time is too much? ›
What's a healthy amount of screen time for adults? Experts say adults should limit screen time outside of work to less than two hours per day. Any time beyond that which you would typically spend on screens should instead be spent participating in physical activity.
Why limit screen time before bed? ›
Studies show two or more hours of screen time in the evening can seriously disrupt the melatonin surge needed to fall asleep. Consider turning off all electronic devices at least one hour before bed, at a minimum.
When you give a kid a device will determine how long a parent is going to be monitoring them, though not all parents agree on when they should give up control. As we showed in our previous survey coverage, parents tend to agree that they have to monitor kids up to about age 10.
Is screen time bad for ADHD kids? ›
Excessive screen exposure may significantly contribute to the development of ADHD in children. Therefore, it is necessary to reduce screen time per day in children to prevent the occurrence of ADHD.
What are the four C's of parenting? ›
The Four Cs are Choices, Consequences, Consistency and Compassion, and each is as important as the next, and none can be left out of effective parenting.
How to limit screen time for adults? ›
Seven Tips to Help Adults Reduce Screen Time
- Track your screen time. Start with establishing a baseline for how much time you spend with your screens. ...
- Schedule breaks. ...
- Take time to reflect. ...
- Take a break from social media. ...
- Keep screens out of the bedroom. ...
- Don't eat in front of a screen. ...
- Schedule time for non-screen activities.
"Screen time" is a term used for activities done in front of a screen, such as watching TV, working on a computer, or playing video games. Screen time is a sedentary activity, meaning you are being physically inactive while sitting down. Very little energy is used during screen time.
Should 13 year olds have screen time limits? ›
For years, the American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended no more than two hours of screen time for children and teenagers, and absolutely no screen time for children under 2.
What is appropriate screen time by age? ›
Yousuf said pediatricians generally recommend the following guidelines: Under 2 years old: Zero screen time, except for video chatting with family or friends. 2-5 years old: No more than one hour per day co-viewing with a parent or sibling. 5-17 years old: Generally no more than two hours per day, except for homework.
Can I lock my child's iPhone remotely? ›
If you've added your child's phone to Family Sharing, you can lock it remotely by putting it in Lost Mode. To get started, open the Find My app on your own iPhone. The icon looks like a blue and green radar screen. Alternatively, go to https://www.icloud.com/ and sign in with your Apple ID.
How do I set screen time limits on Microsoft family? ›
Set screen time limits in the Microsoft Family Safety app
- Open the Microsoft Family Safety app. ...
- Tap the name of the family member you are setting screen time limits for.
- Go to the respective platform for which you want to set screen time for: Windows/Xbox.
- Set screen time for each device as desired.
